Nothing breaks my heart more than to see two people who were once married and in love, now treat each other with such disgrace and hatred. It saddens me every time I see a couple lose their love for each other and separate. Why does this cause such a heartache for me? It’s because my husband and I could have gone down this same path if we didn’t learn to do things differently in our marriage.
I believe that if a couple truly understood the cries of each other’s heart and what to do in its response, they just might move from being in love once to feeling loved forever.
As male and female, we can often misunderstand each other’s needs. We are so different. We can misinterpret the other’s need by defining it by our love language. In other words, we think the other should feel loved by the way we feel loved. This is not always the case. Because we are different, we have to intentionally study and learn about our spouse. A couple that wants to make their marriage work will seek to understand their spouse’s love needs.
“What can I do to make my spouse feel loved and treasured by me?” should be the question on our heart.
Unfortunately, the question most asked by people is “What can this person do to meet my need for love?”
My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. The first 13-15 years of our marriage, we asked the second of the two questions above. It wasn’t until a tragedy happened in our marriage that we were forced to face our pride and misunderstanding of what true love meant. I praise God for this tragedy as it righted our focus and caused us to love each other in a way that Christ loves us. (Becoming one is not an easy process!)
From our experience, we learned to treat each other differently. We learned to love in a way that met the needs of the other person. This change in focus and approach has made the utmost difference in our relationship.
I praise God that He taught us this! And that we listened and obeyed!
I have listed out the cries each woman and man have below when it comes to relating to their spouse; take a look and see if there is anything that you can glean and use today to love your spouse that is best suited for them.
A Wife’s Cry to Her Husband
To love me is to know me.
To value me is to understand me.
To friend me is to join me.
To make-love to me is to relate to me.
To help me is to walk with me.
To talk to me is to listen to me.
To accept me is to encourage me.
To bear with me is to forgive me.
To lead me is to teach me.
To be one with me is to grow with me.
A Husband’s Cry to His Wife
To love me is to honor me.
To value me is to inspire me.
To play with me is to friend me.
To make love to me is to strengthen me.
To assist me is to help me.
To cheer me is to talk to me.
To reassure me is to accept me.
To forgive me is to receive me.
To follow me is to defer to me.
To be one with me is to trust me.
These cries are just a sample of what a husband and wife need. I’m sure there are more. But even more than the cries on our hearts, it’s important to forgive as God forgives, to love as Jesus loves, and to empower as the Spirit empowers. Be the reflection of Jesus to your spouse and you will move from being in love to feeling loved forever.